Do They Know It's Christmas? Fuck You.

When "Do They Know It's Christmas?" came out in 1984, I pretty much thought I was British. I dressed like the asexual keyboard player from the Cure, pretended to really love everything Depeche Mode was singing about -- because, you know, people are people, after all...though, uhm, I certainly didn't want anyone going all master & servant on me -- and pledged undying love for bands I'd only ever read about in the obscure British magazines they sold at Tower Records (in fact, only since getting Spotify have I ever even heard an entire Blue Nile album and it turns out, well, they sound like every other shitty band I pretended to like, except for Belouis Some, who were terrible on a whole other level). So when "Do They Know It's Christmas?" came out, along with the video, it was pretty much all of the greatest things in the world:

1. British bands.

2. British bands singing morosely.

3. British bands singing morosely about hungry people in Africa, a place I was only familiar with primarily through playing RISK, but which I nevertheless felt a great passion for. We must get these people fed, the world kept telling my 13 year old self, and therefore I, too, felt this very strongly...for about two months, anyway, because puberty was making me very interested in a whole host of other things, like breasts. 

At any rate, I loved "Do They Know It's Christmas?" and routinely waited for hours for the video to show up on MTV or Night Flight or Friday Night Videos, hoping against hope that I'd get to see the extremely moving vision of Boy George dressed like an advertisement for bulky women's housecoats (watch the video, people) or see the plaintive look in Sting's eyes as he sang the word "sting" (again, check the video, it's a moment of utter grace). But, really, what I really loved was the righteous anger of Bono shrilling, "Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you..." Oh, yes, so powerful, so wise...

It wasn't until this evening however, 27 years in the dust, as I drove in my car and the song came on the radio that it dawned on me what a fucking dick line it is. It got me thinking about the song in its entirety and what I've determined is that, of all the Christmas songs, it's really the most fucked up one that doesn't have to do with the systematic bullying of a red nosed reindeer. And so I present an annotated guide to how fucked up "Do They Know It's Christmas?" is in a line by line fashion:

It's Christmas time,
there's no need to be afraid.

[Really? No need to be afraid? Does cancer stop on Christmas? What about prostate exams? What about getting the shit stomped out of you at Walmart? You lie, Bob Geldof!]
At Christmas time
we let in light and banish shade

[Okay, now, as it relates to Africa, wouldn't shade actually be a better gift? And when has anyone ever complained about shade? Having lived through 40 Christmases, I'm also unfamiliar with this whole "banish shade" tradition in general, but as a Jew I can tell you that we love us some shade and though I know this holiday isn't exactly a celebration of the Jews, I will say that if it truly were a tradition to banish shade, well, we Jews would have some thoughts on that shit.]

And in our world of plenty
we can spread a smile of Joy
Throw your arms around the world
at Christmas time.
[...but what about if you live in a place that doesn't celebrate Christmas? Like, you know, large parts of Africa?]
But say a prayer,
Pray for the other ones.

[I'm gonna go ahead and presume "the other ones" are the godless heathens...]

At Christmas time it's hard
but when you're having fun...

[like, say, if you're Simon LeBon and you've spent the last 12 months fucking the shit out of supermodels, or you're Boy George and you just got done shooting up some great smack, or you're the other guy in Wham and you're just biding your time until the gig is up and you can marry one of those boxy Bananarama girls and race cars for the rest of your life...]
There's a world outside your window
and it's a world of dread and fear

[Technically, the world outside, at the time, was a London street and in the video it looks like it was filled with fans who wanted your autograph...and, in fact, according to the video, it looked like you were all having a pretty smashing time, quite frankly.]
Where the only water flowing is
the bitter sting of tears

[Oh, for fuck's sake...Sting sings this line. It's a fantastic merging of the real world and the world where a guy gets to name himself Sting, except that it's also about how, uhm, it was really dry in Africa that year...]
Where the Christmas bells that are ringing
are the clanging chimes of Doom

[Just so we're clear here, if they don't know it's Christmas, why would they have Christmas bells? And why ring in the doom when they are clearly already doomed? Wouldn't doom just walk right in at this point? No bells needed.]

Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you.

[Ah, yes, the crux of it all. If there's one thing the Bible teaches, it's that you should thank god for other people's suffering. Now Bono is a goddamn hero, we're told, since he's spent the last 30 years standing on moral high ground -- a moral high ground paved with the money of kids like me who, you know, didn't know what the fuck Sunday Bloody Sunday was all about, but who were, like, totally in support of it -- but one has to think he could have looked at the line before he sang it and suggested a rewrite. Maybe something along the lines of "Well tonight thank God you have food and clean water and a slight disposable income which allows you the opportunity to buy this great song on the latest technology...the cassette tape! Get thee to Sam Goody!" If this song were written today, Justin Beiber would certainly have something wise to say, like, I dunno, "Well, tonight thank God you're not a Kardashian."] 

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time

[This is also egregiously stupid. December is the dry season in Ethiopia, which is really what this song is all about, the Ethiopian famine. But beyond that, it just doesn't fucking snow in Ethiopia, ever.]
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.

[A shitty fucking life, as you've made abundantly clear...I mean, even God thinks they fucking suck...]
Ohh....
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
[No, because they are starving to death. And also, depending upon where they are in Ethiopia, they may very well be Muslim, so they don't give a fuck if it's Christmas.]
Here's to you...
Raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
[How grand. These rich former fucking colonial oppressors are raising a glass to the Africans, who don't even have any fucking water! You're just sipping on wine like it's nothing! You fucking cocksuckers! Send over a bottle of water, don't raise a toast!]

All that said, still love the fucking song. For real. Very catchy. 

 

 

Comments

[Carrie]

I was a nanny in NY when this was released. The people I worked for had one of their friends pick up the 45 in London for me. When I watched the video on youtube just yesterday, I had the exact same reaction; what HORRID, self-important lyrics given the issue! What assholes would actually sing that? What a bizarre, yet decent gesture. And what a catchy tune!

[Brenna]

I actually got a little teary-eyed when this song came on the radio and I was trying to explain it to my eight-year-old. What the hell has happened to me?

Anyway, as an also-13-year-old when this song came out, I was pretty sure it never snowed in Africa. But I thought it was "banish hate" all these years. Not nearly as catchy.

I spent all my time listening for George Michael during that song anyway.

[Nadia]

Awesome beyond awesome! Raising my glass of water to you! Ciao!

[Sean Bardwell]

"I am responsible for two of the worst songs in history. One is 'Do They Know it's Christmas?' and the other one is 'We Are the World.'"
~Bob Geldof, November 2010

http://www.spinner.com/2010/11/30/bob-geldof-sick-of-do-they-know-its-christmas/

[pt]

If in fact there IS snow in Africa this Christmas time, will they stop playing this effen song... PLEASE!?!

[Bill Tonelli]

here's the message of this song/video: it's great to be a british rock star. as if we didnt already know...

[Cristina]

A brilliant African response to the song: http://www.hayibo.com/yes-we-know-its-christmas-say-african-musicians-as-they-finally-record-a-response-to-band-aid/

[Russ]

Haha... the last line gave it any. "it's a catchy song."

Hypocrisy thy name is you,
And vanity thy name is humanity.