2008 was a busy year. I finished three books -- two Burn Notice novels and one collection of stories -- plus I wrote another five stories or so, reviewed somewhere in the 'hood of 35 books and wrote 10 essays for different publications. In short, it was a lousy year for blogging, since I've found that blogging when you have deadline after deadline after deadline isn't always enjoyable since, you know, it's just more writing. Now don't get me wrong: I love to write. It's the best non-job a boy can have, but eventually one has to re-charge by, you know, stepping the fuck away from the computer for an hour or two. Of course, that hasn't quelled my facebook addiction. Or my fantasy football affliction. But you get the idea. So I had to make some changes in 2008 and that meant that I stopped writing about Parade every Sunday, because it got to be a job telling you all how god fucking dreadful that magazine is and how big of a fucktard Walter Scott is and how big of a fucktard all the people who write him each Sunday are. And when something is a job, well, it sucks. So I'll probably do some more bashing of Parade fucktards in 2009 because now I really want to, am driven mad, still, by their fucktardery and I don't intend to write three books this year. One? Sure. Absolutely. But writing 300K words in one year fucking sucks. And it's bad on the back.
Because of all of the above, I've failed to report on some very important things, not the least of which involve me, because, you know, my name is on the top of the page. So, here's some stuff I've been forgetting to say:
1. The lovely humans at the Hipster Book Club asked me to make a top 5 list of my favorite things from 2008.I chose Starbucks treats.
The trans-fat filled blueberry muffin
At some point this year, Starbucks got rid of all their trans-fats, which is, you know, probably a really good thing. But with it, they took a blueberry muffin that tasted like it was first bathed in pure animal lard, which, in terms of overall muffin-y taste, was a good thing. The new muffin isn't bad; it just doesn't taste like it's killing you one bite at a time.
Also included in their rundown of all things 2008 are my pals Deanne Stillman, Rider Strong, Mark Haskell Smith and Aimee Bender. They likewise did not talk about things of much literary merit. Well, Aimee did, but she's smarter than the rest of us.
2. The equally lovely human DeAnna Cameron recently interviewed me about the business of books. She probably regrets that now.
What was the best thing you did before publication to prepare?
I ran five miles a day, ate nothing but egg whites and killed a moose with my bare hands and then lived inside of said moose like I was Luke Skywalker in that great scene from The Empire Strikesback where Luke kills his Tauntaun and then sleeps inside of it.
3. For the Tod Goldberg completest out there, you might be interested in the latest issue of Narrow Books' very cool literary journal Two Letters, which features my story "The Salt." The story involves the character Sheriff Drew from my novel Living Dead Girl and is one of two stories about Sheriff Drew that will be in my new collection of stories Other Resort Cities, which comes out this fall.
4. Do I need to watch all the Tivo'd episodes of Dexter I have? I stopped watching it this season after episode 3 or 4 because Jimmy Smits was annoying me and I didn't like the internal affairs angle with the sister and the new guy. Does it get better or can I just watch the 40 episodes of What Not To Wear I have stored up?
5. I'm going to Vermont on Wednesday. It is -4 degrees there. Someone please explain to me how this is possible, this total absence of heat. It's bullshit. Please get that shit fixed before my arrival. Thanks.