I was just looking at the reviews for The Fix on Amazon this evening while procrastinating and came across an awesome bad review.
A fellow named W. Dobson spent about 1000 words calling me a fucktard and then closed with this paragraph, which is made from the very fabric of awesome:
I wasn't going to post anything about this book as it didn't seem worth the effort then a friend told me about the positive reader reviews on Amazon. As I said at the start some fans of the show may want to check it out but any serious readers, including fans of the show, should stay away from this one. If you really want to read a novelization of a TV series check out Lee Goldberg's excellent Monk series or wait for the promised book on PSYCH that's coming out next spring. Monk will give you something good now and PSYCH will give you something to look forward to. As for BURN NOTICE: THE FIX, stay away from it and if you really must give it try, don't forget to wash you hands afterwards!
I don't mind him disliking my book -- that's perfectly fine, expected and probably well earned. However, I am slightly suspect of this whole "friend" angle. I like to think of myself as a fairly literate fellow with fairly literate friends -- I mean, most of my friends are writers, so it would reason we'd talk about, you know, books and specifically books we've all read. But never, ever, have any of my friends said to me, "Man, Tod, have you seen all the positive reviews for the latest Torchwood tie-in? Motherfuckers are losing their shit! You better get in there and set 'em straight." I wonder about the process by which this friend came to have this conversation with the reviewer. Did he read all of the reviews and say to himself, Oh, man, something must be done! People are enjoying this book! I must call my friend who I know did not like this book and tell him to stop the madness! I know my friend wasn't going to review the book on Amazon because it didn't seem worth the effort, but by god, this country was built on effort!
On the upside, he does like Lee's books, which clearly makes him delusional, and really likes Bill Rabkin's as yet unpublished Psyche novel, too, which is good news for Bill. His first good review! And I like that bit about my book being so bad you have to wash your hands after reading it -- that's a new level of hate. I love the idea that my book is so bad that it might be contagious. They've been handing out sun tan lotion on the beaches of Southern California advertising the book -- maybe I can see if they'll hand out wet-naps, too!