Moment of Zen

I think we can all agree that when people think of me, the first thing that comes to mind is: Rock God. Okay, maybe that's not precisely the case, since it's not as if I spend all of my  free time astride a sand dune with my ax and my hairy chest, but let's not forget that I was a contestant on Rock-N-Roll Jeopardy (and would have won had I not found it impossible to answer every fucking question in the "Songs By America" category with "What is Ventura Highway?" except for the one question that actually was the answer to, which I offered up a "What is Sister Goldenhair?" in response to instead) and actually won Rolling Stone's College Music Trivia World Bantamweight Title (or some such thing) in 1994 (I was part of a team with two other guys in my fraternity, Jeremy Padow and Chris Rager and, as I recall, the answer that put us over the top was "Hippy Chick" by Soho. Our winnings? A year's supply of ice cream, a denim jacket with the Rolling Stone logo on the back, and a bunch of catalog CDs, like Steve Miller Band and REO Speedwagon. The next year, after I graduated, Chris won it by himself and received a Mustang. Not that I'm bitter, naturally), so I know music. It's in me. If I could play a guitar, i'd be out on a fucking sand dune right now making it cry, yo.

I bring this all up today for two specific reasons:

1. On Friday, at noon, I'll be a guest on Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 103.1 in Los Angeles, along with the author Robin Benway and two people as yet unknown to me. What this means is that I'll be talking with Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols about music for two hours. This is pretty much the culmination of my life's work. (If you don't live in LA, you can still hear me make an ass of myself by going to Indie1031.fm and listening online.) I'm not precisely certain how I got asked to do this, but I'm going to pretend that it's because I'm super cool and I'm the spike in ratings they've been waiting for and that Steve Jones is a big, big fan and has always wanted to meet me. My feeling is that what's likely to happen is that the folks at KCRW will hear me, will immediately fire Michael Silverblatt and I'll have my own bad ass radio show all about books, where my main objective will be to, you know, glorify myself. I'm thinking: Would it be wrong to bust out my much vaunted Michael Silverblatt imitation on Indie 103.1? To maybe do the entire show as Silverblatt? You know: "Steve, I was transfixed by your transcendent work with the Sex Pistols, and by transcending, I mean..."

2.  I was informed today that there is an Austin-based band called Riot Like Words who have a song on their new album called Fake Liar Cheat. Now, I have no idea if this song is actually in any way related to my book of the same name, but I went and listened to the song on the band's Myspace and I'd like to be able to tell you that the lyrics gave me a clear and precise understanding that, yes, I am the reason they make music. I'd like to be able to say that the song's lyrics convey, in music, the difficult life of a man working a dead end job at Staff Genius, who meets a dangerous woman, who makes him do dangerous things, who makes him, uh, maybe not put a vital 3rd act into the book for reasons still unclear to the author, makes him go off into an ambiguous ending that still, 8 years later, prompts angry emails from 17 year olds demanding answers (if you haven't read the book, skip this next line, since I'm going to finally answer the question that has so plagued a nation of millions: I am of the opinion that they die. There. I said it. I'll probably change my mind at some later date, but there's your answer: they are dead, sorry for the confusion.) and then segues into a much better second book. But the thing of it is, I can't figure out what the fuck they're saying. The music is pretty good. Sort of Jane's Addiction meets Kyuss. I think. Who knows. But it sounded pretty tight. Here's a live version that was apparently filmed in total darkness:

So, yeah, I'm pretty much a rock superstar.

Comments

[jeremy]

We actually got second place. I don't remember winning those catalog CDs, but do remember winning a glorious year's subscription to Rolling Stone. (I still have that jacket in my childhood closet next to my "Leatherface" crew jacket.)

Rager sold that Mustang and backpacked through Europe with that money. Lucky bastard!

How was Jonesy?

(I do a mean Warren Olney by the way. It's all about accenting the wrong syllables.)