Dr. Laura Is A Dr.

Apparently, Dr. Laura is a frequent reader of this blog and was upset that I asked, in my LA Times Festival Of Books Primer, if she was actually a doctor. (That she didn't seem to mind that I was considering approaching Steve Garvey and saying, "I don't know about you, but I think that Dr. Laura is looking like a sweet, sweet piece of conservative fucktardery this weekend. You gonna hit that?" is somewhat curious, but, hell, if Steve Garvey wanted to "hit that" with me, I'd probably have to consider it, too. I mean, he's Steve Garvey, right?) At any rate, Dr. Laura emailed me today  saying she thought I was being unkind and misleading for pondering said question and provided me with her full credentials. In the spirit of fair and balanced reporting, here they are:

PhD in Physiology (Medical School) of Columbia University in NYC

Post-Doctoral Certification: Marriage/Family/Child Therapy from USC
License in California: MB14914 Marriage/Family/Child Therapist
Taught psychotherapy techniques and abormal psychology
at Pepperdine for years...also in private practice
32 years of helping people via radio/books, etc. (including 10 NY Times Bestsellers) and columns (NewsMax, etc.)

She has a point. She is a doctor. But I'm thinking I match up pretty well:

BA in English (Creative Writing Emphasis) Cal State Northridge (aka The Columbia University of Nordhoff and Lindley)

MFA (in progress) Bennington College.

Taught creative writing for 8 years in extension writers' programs at UCLA, CSUN and CSUF and the last two years in the MFA program at UC-R's Palm Desert Graduate Center.

Lost on Rock-n-Roll Jeopardy

Recently saw Gwen Stefani at Target

37 years of helping people via books (Fake Liar Cheat taught a lot of people how to dine and ditch, Living Dead Girl taught people how to go crazy at a lakeside home, Simplify taught people that Elvis bleeding on your wall is not okay, The Fix will make you a better American), columns (I once wrote a very good column about selling used socks online), blogs (people need to know when they are acting like fucktards), journalism (I just interviewed a member of Danity Kane...it's a showstopper), criticism (well, apart from the people who send me hate mail when I review them poorly) and through my tireless work self-googling.

Plus, if anyone needs proof that I'd make a damn fine radio personality prepared to help you solve your problems, one need only listen to my appearance on Jonesy's Jukebox to know I drop science like Galileo dropped the orange. (Next week, you'll be able to download it here.) I've always thought that in addition to be an author, I'd make a damn fine life coach or cult leader...but a doctor, clearly, I am not. Dr. Laura? True that.

Comments

[Clair]

I thought you already were a cult leader, Tod. What am I wearing this robe for?

[Jane]

Dear Dr. Tod,

I believe that calling people fucktards has some therapeutic value. Perhaps even more so than railing on people who are not virgins when they marry, or who dare to cross their legs for the oh-god-not-again Friday night communion of marriage.

You can take that from me, whose life credentials are extremely long and impressive, even if not glorified by a Ph.D.

[ed]

But where are YOUR nude photos, Dr. Tod? And was there a period in your life in which you were 28 years old, going through a divorce, and thereby had no moral authority? Not even Steve Garvey had THAT! Thus, Dr. Laura is sui generis, sir, and you are no match for her continuing hypocrisies!

http://www.news.com/2100-1023-217407.html

[Ross Angelella]

As evidence to who I am, I don't generally laugh out-loud when reading humor. It doesn't matter what genre, be it fiction, nonfiction, journalism, poetry, or a pamphlet on Scientology. No matter how "funny" it is, I NEVER laugh out loud.

Until today.

Tod Goldberg's latest blog post is quite possibly the nearest best West Coast, post-post-modern, transgressive, neo-Dadaist, pre-election, self-eviscerating, anti-pop, pro-ego laden, old school verbal dis-blog that I have read in weeks. The only thing missing was a "Your Mom" joke. I laugh out-loud at those too.

Tod, where is MY robe?

[Mike Barer]

I'm glad that "Dr Horrible" reads your blog.

[Mark A. York]

Well you're not T.C. Boyle either but happily that's not a crime. I prefer his doctoral analysis to hers. Just a matter of taste. His performance of a short story yesterday was amazing.

Signed, fellow allumnus of that same Columbia West campi.

[Eileen]

I have a Dr. Laura story that will only interest true Dr.Laura-philes.
Twenty-five years ago I had a college internship (I should point out a CSUN college internship) at a tiny, 5000 watt radio station in Thousand Oaks. In a major coup - Dr. Laura, coming off one of her peaks into this, certainly a deep valley, of her career, took an on-air afternoon slot. She came into the station every weekday around 2pm with an assistant and a dog. I think it was a Doberman. I really like dogs, so when I went in to introduce myself (eager-beaver intern that I was) I leaned down to pet the dog. The assistant yelled at me, "DO NOT PET THE DOG!" No explanation was given - but I assumed the obvious and backed out of the studio. This was the middle of nowhere and I pondered over what dark forces could be tracking Dr. Laura that she travels with an attack dog???
Later that week I noticed that Dr. Laura was on the air with listeners even when the phone lines weren't lit up. I was told that almost no one ever called the station, not surprising since our signal only reached about six square blocks. The Doc just played old tapes of old phone conversations, and did the tags and bumpers live (that is radio lingo - it comes in so handy). While this was pragmatic, it seems a tiny bit unethical?

Whatever. Enjoyed your panel Saturday morning Tod. It reminded me of the time my boyfriend got drunk and used the word fuck five times during a wedding toast. You are never dull.

[Kate]

You saw Gwen Stefani?

[tod goldberg]

I did see Gwen. In Target. With Gavin Rossdale. And child. We are all very close now.

[Aimee]

I wonder if it was really Dr Laura or just a die hard fan or assistant.. I can't imagine that she has time for that.

[Alicia]

@Eileen, GREAT Dr. Laura story, dark forces, attack dog, lip synch radio, ha ha. She's ludicrous.

Tod: Seriously -- Target?!

[Janastasiow]

So what I'm getting from this is that you want to be called doctor?  Is that Dr. Tod or Dr. Goldberg?  I like Dr. Tod but maybe we should do a poll.  Sorry but only people with really fucking low self esteem would care about this shit.  I call my nephrologist "Kevin" because you know that's his name and all.  

[Lori]

Dr of Physiology is all about body mechanics. Seems a little off-topic for what she claims to help people with.