A Conversation I Had At Barnes & Noble With The Customer Service Kid

In doing some research for my new job as the chronicler of International Men of Mystery, I decided I needed to get a couple books on how to blow up shit, so I went down to my local B&N and had the following conversation with Cameron, the kid at the customer service desk.

Me: Where's your section on how to blow shit up?

Cameron: Like photos?

Me: No. Like bridges. Buildings. Planes.

Cameron: I'm not sure I'm following you.

Me: I need a book that shows me how to blow stuff up using household products or things I could get at Lowe's.

Cameron: Okay.

Me: And maybe a little something on hand to hand combat, too.

Cameron: Like the Worst Case Scenario handbook?

Me: No, I have that. And I have all of those books on poisons and such, too. I'm looking specifically for something that would give me insight on how to blow up a seaplane.

Cameron: Oh, like the Anarchist Cookbook?

Me: Yes, exactly. Where's that section?

Cameron: We keep books like that in the back.

Me: Why?

Cameron: So people won't steal it.

Me: Ah. Yes. I can see that. Well, can you get me a copy of that?

Cameron: Are you going to buy it? Because if you're not going to buy it, I have to stay with you while you look at it.

Me: I'm going to buy it.

Cameron: You should pay in cash, also.

Me: Huh?

Cameron: Don't put it on your credit card, because then they can track you.

Me: Who?

Cameron: Whoever.

Comments

[TMJ707]

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! That was hilarious. Nice to know that kid is onto the wily schemes 'they' have for tracking the average bomber. Loved that.

[erin]

Millions of years ago, I worked at a Waldenbooks in Yonkers, NY. There were three books that at least one person (and usually more) asked for each and every day I was there. They were:

1) The Anarchist's Cookbook
2) Dianetics
3) The Education of Little Tree

Even now, I don't like to ponder the implications much.

[carrie]

I think you made a new buddy. Now you know where to go when planning schemes.

[carrie]

I think you made a new buddy. Now you know where to go when planning schemes.

[Cap'n Bob]

Scientologists have to buy Dianetics the way Nazis had to buy Mein Kampf. Come to think of it, the two books are very similar.

[Danielle Rollins]

"

Scientologists have to buy Dianetics the way Nazis had to buy Mein Kampf. Come to think of it, the two books are very similar.

"

What? Very boring? I've read Mein Kampf cover to cover.. it reads like a 12 year-old girl's diary. Nothing juicy at all.

And if you really wanted to get on a list somewhere, you should've bought

The Anarchist Cookbook, Improvised Munition, Behold a Pale Horse, The Big Book of Revenge, Steal This Book, Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-Tung, and Che's Book on Guerrilla Warfare all at once.. and with a Credit Card in George Bush's name. OR JFK's, for that matter.

(That would be a dream come true for me, the conspiracy nerd)