In doing some research for my new job as the chronicler of International Men of Mystery, I decided I needed to get a couple books on how to blow up shit, so I went down to my local B&N and had the following conversation with Cameron, the kid at the customer service desk.
Me: Where's your section on how to blow shit up?
Cameron: Like photos?
Me: No. Like bridges. Buildings. Planes.
Cameron: I'm not sure I'm following you.
Me: I need a book that shows me how to blow stuff up using household products or things I could get at Lowe's.
Cameron: Okay.
Me: And maybe a little something on hand to hand combat, too.
Cameron: Like the Worst Case Scenario handbook?
Me: No, I have that. And I have all of those books on poisons and such, too. I'm looking specifically for something that would give me insight on how to blow up a seaplane.
Cameron: Oh, like the Anarchist Cookbook?
Me: Yes, exactly. Where's that section?
Cameron: We keep books like that in the back.
Me: Why?
Cameron: So people won't steal it.
Me: Ah. Yes. I can see that. Well, can you get me a copy of that?
Cameron: Are you going to buy it? Because if you're not going to buy it, I have to stay with you while you look at it.
Me: I'm going to buy it.
Cameron: You should pay in cash, also.
Me: Huh?
Cameron: Don't put it on your credit card, because then they can track you.
Me: Who?
Cameron: Whoever.
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HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! That was hilarious. Nice to know that kid is onto the wily schemes 'they' have for tracking the average bomber. Loved that.
Posted by: TMJ707 | November 28, 2007 at 02:04 PM
Millions of years ago, I worked at a Waldenbooks in Yonkers, NY. There were three books that at least one person (and usually more) asked for each and every day I was there. They were:
1) The Anarchist's Cookbook
2) Dianetics
3) The Education of Little Tree
Even now, I don't like to ponder the implications much.
Posted by: erin | November 28, 2007 at 04:17 PM
I think you made a new buddy. Now you know where to go when planning schemes.
Posted by: carrie | December 03, 2007 at 10:35 AM
I think you made a new buddy. Now you know where to go when planning schemes.
Posted by: carrie | December 03, 2007 at 10:36 AM
Scientologists have to buy Dianetics the way Nazis had to buy Mein Kampf. Come to think of it, the two books are very similar.
Posted by: Cap'n Bob | December 06, 2007 at 09:26 PM
"
Scientologists have to buy Dianetics the way Nazis had to buy Mein Kampf. Come to think of it, the two books are very similar.
"
What? Very boring? I've read Mein Kampf cover to cover.. it reads like a 12 year-old girl's diary. Nothing juicy at all.
And if you really wanted to get on a list somewhere, you should've bought
The Anarchist Cookbook, Improvised Munition, Behold a Pale Horse, The Big Book of Revenge, Steal This Book, Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-Tung, and Che's Book on Guerrilla Warfare all at once.. and with a Credit Card in George Bush's name. OR JFK's, for that matter.
(That would be a dream come true for me, the conspiracy nerd)
Posted by: Danielle Rollins | February 26, 2008 at 08:11 PM