Letters To Parade: Sorry This Is Short, I Need To Buy Some Meth To Throw Out

I know you all come here for my lengthy evisceration of fucktardia, but today I pose just a simple question: Can someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong with people?

Exhibit A: Donald King of Waco, Texas.

Kathie Lee let bygones be bygones with Frank Gifford. Why can't Christie Brinkley do the same with husband Peter Cook?

Here are 10 things I can tell you about Donald King of Waco, Texas.

1. The last woman Donald truly loved was tragically killed when he rolled a 9 on his sixteen-sided dice.

2. The only thing Donald finds upsetting about his love relationships is when there's more story than doggy style on Beverly Hills Bordello.

3. In the video for Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl", Donald felt bad that Billy left the car for Christie.

4. Donald can't quite figure out why O.J. Simpson is considered such a bad guy, particularly since people forgave Saddam for killing all those people...oh...wait...

5. Donald hates the sin, but loves the sinner.

6. Donald can't quite figure out why so many people hate Eric Roberts, but love Julia Roberts.

7. Donald's favorite Baldwin is Stephen.

8. Somewhere in his house, Donald has a poster of Kelly Ripa. Each morning he throws a cup of hot coffee onto her face and screams, "You're no Kathie Lee, bitch!"

9. Donald reads Parade for the articles, but also owns quite a few things from the Franklin Mint.

10. Donald has a MySpace that features a photo of him in a leather jacket with no shirt, lighting up a stogie. Donald might well have a purple Trans Am. Donald is, without a doubt, a fucktard.

Comments

[Mike Barer]

I knew you would pick that one. That guy needs an operation to pull his head out of his ass.

[corner wino]

kathy lee needs to show her tits and suck me off