Happy Banned Books Week!

In celebration of Banned Books Week, I thought I'd take a few moments to visit with the thought police over at ClassKC.org. ClassKC actually stands for Citizens for Literary Standards in Schools Knowingly Christian. Okay, that's last part about the zombie king who crawled from his grave and gave the Midwest a religion they could rally around isn't true. The K C actually stands for Kansas City, I think. I'm not sure where the A in Class comes from, though perhaps it was challenged and now is no longer in the group's name.

At any rate, I've been annoyed by these book banning fucktards for a long, long time. Recently there was a fascinating article about the group's spokesperson, a former porn addict named Gregg Motley, in The Pitch (Kansas City's alt. weekly) which is must reading. It seems Gregg went from loving the MILFs to loving the Jesus and, in process, decided he should be in charge of what is good and what is bad literature:

Two years ago, Motley, now 49, quit a 24-year career as a banker to run the Kansas City office of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families (a role he relinquished in April to return to banking). The National Coalition's Web site says the group wants "all people to live under the Lordship of Christ." It lists four goals: "Educate the Christian community on sexual ethics, according to a biblical worldview, encourage and challenge Christians to live sexually pure lives, engage Christians in public policy relative to sexual ethics and embrace those harmed by pornography and help restore them to sexual wholeness."

Like the other parents in ClassKC, Motley is blunt when it comes to the books that ClassKC deems too vulgar, too sexual or too violent.

"Most of it's bad literature," he says.

ClassKC members take offense at being labeled book banners. They argue that they're not banning any books; they just want them out of classrooms. They want more say in their children's education

Ever a good soldier for Christ, I went to look at their list of books they think students should be reading. Interestingly, of all the books they selected, only three are by Jewish authors. Throughout all of time, there are three Jewish authors they've selected...none of whom are alive, of course, and one of whom died very young, because, well, she was Anne Frank. A fine writer, young miss Frank was, but subtracting her from the canon of literature by or about Jews, you'd think they could find a few more relevant voices, wouldn't you? Out of the more than 100 "great" books, you'd think they could find just a few written by Jews, right? And I might be wrong on my count -- there might be five Jewish authors, but I'm only positive on three: Frank, Chaim Potok and Edna Ferber. And, not much of a surprise here, almost all of the books on their list were published in the first half of the 20th century (their most recent book on the list is Gilead by Marilyne Robinson).

They do have plenty of choices from the library of Zane Grey, a guy with a rather fascinating sexual fetish history that Motley must appreciate (I can't recommend enough the biography of Grey published earlier this year by Thomas H. Pauly) but who is so fucking unreadable today that any teenager who was forced to read his works would immediately begin jerking off using balsa wood and pliers.

There are hundreds of groups just like ClassKC across the country (and, really, these fucktards are largely less offensive than other groups, like, say, Pabbis) but what I find most upsetting is that they couch their desire to get rid of specific books as a way to "help the kids" but it's all a front for their religious fanaticism (one of their great ideas on how to help is to "pray for everyone involved"). This is a group, after all, which states that one of the big reasons they oppose certain books and demand action is that "What you let your mind dwell on, you become." Oddly, I've been letting my mind dwell on the possibility that I'll become the starting QB for the Oakland Raiders and, yet, I'm still a frumpy Jewish guy.

The proof here is probably in the fucktard pudding. Look at ClassKC's fascinating foray into the "life has no meaning" books given to freshman in their English classes...they had to dwell on:

This Boy's Life -- Story of Tobias Wolff's teenage years as a liar, thief, vandal and all-around juvenile delinquent. Includes profanity, sexually-explicit content, and the pervasive and depressing theme of "My horrible behavior is in no way related to the formation of my personal character."

I've read this book. That is not the theme. I'm thinking these fucktards are the only people in America who actually need to learn about theme.

Lord of the Flies -- Story begins in a deceptively childlike setting as several boys find themselves marooned on an island. After a short time, civilized behavior breaks down and the boys start hunting and killing one another without regret. A depressing novel in that it depicts man (boys) as selfish and uncontrollable savages. Yes, at some point a serious student of literature should read this book as it is often used as the measuring stick to compare the depraved message of one literary work to another. (Book X brought out the immoral nature of man, but was not as bad as Lord of the Flies.) But is this appropriate or necessary to study as a 14 or 15 year old?

"Yes, at some point a serious student of literature should read this book as it is often used as the measuring stick to compare the depraved message of one literary work to another." As a serious student of literature, I can honestly say that is a conversation I've never had.

Secret Diary of Adrian Mole -- Another disingenuous memoir of a 14-year-old boy. The cover of this book claims that the book is "hilariously funny" (a comedy?) yet the true subject matter (sex, faith, marriage) is obviously quite serious. Perhaps not as overwhelmingly depressing as This Boy's Life yet similar in some respects. The Secret Diary is also quite disrespectful to the role of organized church. It also contains profanity and references to various sexual encounters and sexual preferences.

Uh-oh, disrespectful of organized church...and mentioned sexual preferences. You know what that means? God hates homos. That's what that means.

A Separate Peace -- Set at a US private boys' school during a pre-WWII period. Due to jealousy, the main character intentionally causes his best friend to have an accident which creates a very serious injury. The intentional nature of the act is never fully revealed or resolved between the two of them, and therefore the main character never has true "peace." He wallows in self reflection. Eventually, the best friend dies due to complications from the injury and the story ends with a depressing and unresolved "life is random and meaningless" message.

Wallowing in self-reflection would probably be a good thing for anyone in ClassKC. They might find a distrust of organized religion and a need to have oral sex with someone of their same gender. If anyone needs to have anal sex as an act of clarity-induction, it's these folks.

Of Mice and Men -- One of Steinbeck's most famous, this book ends with a man murdering his best friend. Certainly a literary classic, and not to be missed in the life of a serious adult student of literature. But has anyone at Blue Valley considered how this story really affects a minor of 13, 14, or 15 years old? At what point is this list of depressing literature, especially as it portrays men, too much of the same for a freshman student? Where are the positive influences and characters that will inspire our children?

You fucktards, he doesn't murder his best friend! He saves him from a savage killing! How many stories, you fucking fucktards, are happy? How many stories are about happy people? None. You know why? Because happy people are fucking boring.

House on Mango Street -- Not only do the kids hate this book, it is written at a very low level providing little literary challenge. The author is victimized at several levels (including rape), unable (or unwilling) to overcome any circumstances, again implying that life is random and meaningless.

Life is random, you fucktards. When was the last morning you woke up and everything you anticipated happened? And I've got news for you, your kids are getting raped every day, often by people you consider friends. Like, you know, your priest.

Bless Me Ultima -- The profanity including the f-word is extensive in this book. Inappropriate sexual references are common as well. Of great concern is the degradation of Catholics, and the promotion of voodooism, exorcism, and witch doctors as truth.

Would it be better if they degraded voodoo? Would it be better if they degraded Islam? Why should Catholicism be protected? And don't you fucktards believe in exorcism? Isn't that, like, one of your core beliefs?

Stotan -- All of Crutcher's books feature teens in sexually active roles. All contain a great deal of profanity, and all promote the nonsensical notion that in order to get out of a problem, you often have to do the opposite of what seems right. Crutcher's novels send confusing, unhealthy, and illogical messages about life to our kids using teen characters and low level English to attract the reader. (Three of Crutcher's novels, Stotan, Running Loose, and Chinese Handcuffs are on BV's list of approved required reading.)

Teens have sex, sir. Remember all those porn sites you used to visit advertising hot teens having sex? That was them, but after they turned 18. And teens swear, you fucks. And sometimes doing the opposite of what is considered right is the thing to do. For instance, say you've been raised by a bunch of crazed fundamentalists and you're faced with reading a book about black people. The "right" thing to do would be to have that book banned. The correct thing to do would be to, you know, read it.

Where are the "heroes" that the BV freshman and sophomore communication arts program claims to focus on per their own course descriptions? Why must our freshmen be required to read books with R-rated content? Why are so many of the required books at the freshman level dominated by a "life is meaningless and hopeless" message? How many depressing books represent "too much" of the same?

I could go on for days here, but it would be useless. Instead, I once again turn to the words of ClassKC founder Janet Harmon in an interview with the Kansas City Star:

Q. On your Web site you list Candide and Ulysses as some positive alternatives to some of the books you find offensive at Blue Valley.

A. You know what? I think we have been corrected, at least on Ulysses; that's been removed.

Q. Why's that?

A. Well, I have to say I have to research it. We probably picked it off a classic book list. But, well, maybe this isn't the best one.

Q. Because its content is inappropriate?

A. Yes.

Q. Some judge it to be the greatest novel ever written.

A. Yeah, I think they - the author is Irish or something? But whatever. That's all I'd like to say about that.

That's whose in charge of picking the "good" literature, people. And again, please ban one of my books so I have a tax deductible reason to visit your town.

Comments

[eliza]

Sweet, I used the list to pick some books to request from the library.

[Dante Kleinberg]

First of all, ClassKC should not give away the ending to Of Mice and Men. How about a spoiler alert, book banners?

Secondly, The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole is awesome.

Thirdly, it's okay for kids to read depressing stuff. Kids are depressed anyway and depressing stuff makes them FEEL BETTER because they are not alone in their depression. Give a depressed kid a dozen "happy" books and they'll probably jump in front of a bus.

[Graham]

Oddly, I've been letting my mind dwell on the possibility that I'll become the starting QB for the Oakland Raiders and, yet, I'm still a frumpy Jewish guy.

That doesn't mean you're any worse than the other guys they could trot out there.

[tod goldberg]

I think I'd fit in nicely somewhere in the pantheon of Raider QBs like Rusty Hilger, Donald Hollas, David Humm, Tee Martin, Jay Schroeder, Marc Wilson, Alfred Montez, Vince Evans, Scott Dreishbach, Billy Joe Hobert, Bobby Hoying, Dave Klingler and Mike Rae, but I don't think I'll make anyone forget Rick Mirer and Wade Wilson. Know what I'm saying?