For many years, Christopher Nance was a weatherman on the local NBC station in Los Angeles. He also wrote a bunch of children's books, which he self-published, and christened himself "The Weatherdude." He was, as most weathermen are, completely ineffectual predicting the weather. His acumen as a children's book writer is an unknown quantity here in the Goldberg home as I make it a policy not to purchase any books penned by former local NBC newscasters (which is why I don't own any Kelly Lange novels, either). Every year, Christopher had his own booth at the LA Times Festival of Books and every year I'd walk by and wonder who, exactly came in to get his autograph. Maybe people really into the weather? Maybe people awed by local news? Maybe people who wrote anchorperson fanfiction? It was even more of a curiosity for me after Nance was fired from NBC amid rather sordid allegations involving violence, sex, and, curiously, predicting it would be 72 and windy in Rialto on a day when it was 69 and hazy.
Sadly, this year Christopher will not be at the Festival of Books, because, according to his website, he now lives in Hawaii. Oh, and also because he has asked God to curse NBC and, as it seems to be working, maybe he doesn't want to get to close to the fire and damnation:
On September 19th 2002, I was told by Paula Madison and Tom Carrins that it was “Politically Incorrect”, to read my Bible in my free time while at work. I continued to read my Bible and was fired for doing so three months later. Since then, when God was asked to leave KNBC, the show that I was on for 15 of my 18 years at NBC fell out of first place for the first time in its history, the network fell out of first place and both KNBC and NBC are on a downward decline. The show and the network were successful because Christians like me prayed to God for the prosperity of our work place. Now the Christians at NBC have been told that God is not welcome there and I believe that the Lord has removed His blessing from the place where I worked and prayed. NBC recently put on a show that mocked God, called THE BOOK OF DANIEL. This program has recently been canceled. God will not be mocked and that is why I am certain of the out come of my upcoming trial.
Continue to vote with your television remote and send a message to the Networks. Remember, they work for us. You hit NBC the hardest during February, May and November. Those are big ratings months and that is when most of you have been switching off NBC and watching other stations. You are making a difference with your prayers and your viewing practices. Calls, letters and e-mails won’t work, because the Networks don’t care what you think. Use your remote and send a powerful message.
And here I thought "Joey" was the reason those Godless fucks at NBC were floundering so. Don't weep for Christopher Nance, though, because for just $500 he'll tell you what else you can watch on TV and how to get those Godless network bigwigs to bow down to your moral will in utter supplication. Of course, for $500 you can also simply hire Chris to MC your event. I'm willing to put up $100. Maybe I can convince my siblings to come up with the other $400 and the four of us will do a signing with Christopher Nance running the show, provided God doesn't destroy the whole of LA before the check clears.