My Agenda Is That I Think Calling Someone Mr. Teriyaki Makes You A Fucktard

The LA Times reports today on the speech Dean Koontz gave at Men Of Mystery this past weekend. In what will soon be a new Oliver Stone movie, here's what Dean thinks is the cause of this:

Koontz blames the brouhaha on "some sort of an agenda,"

Well, I'm afraid to say he's spot on. Outing fucktards is the game, Goldberg is the name, and you, sir, are a fucktard.

As I told the LA Times when they interviewed me for the story, I've got nothing against Dean Koontz. I don't know him personally, I've never read a single one of his books and I don't think he's a racist. What I do think is that his speech was boorish, insensitive and not funny. The difference between Koontz and George Carlin, or any comic for that matter, is that there comes a certain expectation with comics, especially those with a political bent. You expect them to hold a mirror up to society and poke equal fun at all of us, with no person or culture escaping the examination. The job of a satirist is to deflate the hot air of society. And so they are given latitude that common society often is not. The expectation that comes with hearing Dean Koontz speak is, I would wager, notably different. Dean writes thrillers and horror stories and isn't known as one of America's finest wits, and even if he were, this line, as quoted in the Times article, and told to the audience, still isn't funny:

"We could have a few sake and reminisce about the Bataan Death March."

I say insensitive things all the time, of course. In fact, when I was interviewed by a writer for the LA Times Magazine who was attending the event, she asked me who the typical mystery reader is and I believe I said, "A very large person," which is probably terribly insensitive as well, but of course, I'm not exactly svelte myself, and I suspect my public image is considerably different than Dean Koontz's  -- I did write a weekly column for four years all about, basically, weird things that fell from my ass, the onset of my inactive thyroid and my sexual/psychological/physical inadequacies -- and therefore I either sound like an asshole or an ex-frat boy, both of which happen to be true, or, perhaps, a guy after a cheap joke, which is also true. And not to put too fine a point on it, I happen to have the reputation for being funny, which may or may not be true, but which is the perception no less. I am also regularly offensive, though it seems that people typically take offense to things I say about myself, and perhaps therein lies the issue with Koontz. He doesn't see how people might find him calling someone else Mr. Teriyaki anything but the height of humor because, I suspect, no one has told him otherwise, maybe because he's Dean Koontz and maybe because he doesn't put himself up for the same kind of hilarity as his subjects. Whatever the case may be, I suspect saying, "Sorry if I offended anyone, it certainly wasn't my intention" would have been a far better response than, "You're all out to get me!"

Comments

[Dean]

And not to put too fine a point on it, I happen to have the reputation for being funny, which may or may not be true

It is largely true. Part of the skill, though, is to know when something is offensive and funny instead of merely offensive. It is difficult to imagine a situation in which references to the Bataan Death March would be considered funny by any but the warped.

In one of the funniest two or three minutes in television history, John Cleese berates some German guests of Fawlty Towers, talking incessantly about the war. We laugh at Basil Fawlty's incredible, hilarious insensitivity, but at no point does even the boorish Fawlty mention concentration camps. Not because Cleese was afraid of offending anybody, but because it wouldn't have been funny.

[Ray]

Speaking from a little experience here:

First of all, when you've written an important letter to an important executive, if he doesn't answer, that is considered rude beyond belief. The man is making a movie based on Mr. Koontz's work, and he owes all his work to Dean Koontz in the first place. If I were in that situation with MY work (and I can be very patient), I would have gotten, not racist, but far more insulting.

Also, it largely depends on your views of racism- where to draw the line. I'm Jewish, and I've been called "Christ-killer" a few times by my friends, in jest. Others, listening, were horrified, but I quickly reassured them it was a joke. If I ignored the work of a great writer repeatedly and he called me a name, well, unless I had an excuse for not writing back I'd take it as something I deserved.

[rob roberge]

Ray wrote:
"If I ignored the work of a great writer repeatedly and he called me a name, well, unless I had an excuse for not writing back I'd take it as something I deserved."

who's the great writer? :)

[rob roberge]

sorry...it was too easy...like T-ball...begging for a swing.

rr