Dear God, Please Show Me How To Operate A Stick Shift

What is it about god-fearing contestants on The Amazing Race that makes them think Jesus is chilling on the sofa with a tall boy and some pretzels waiting to help them find state parks, 1st gear and, literally, needles in haystacks? Of all the problems Jesus could possibly help the world with -- now that's He's found us a new Supreme Court nominee, obviously -- why would He stop and show people the directions to a small town in Costa Rica? Jesus is a carpenter, not a cartographer, for God's sake.

The new family edition of The Amazing Race features the Weaver family -- a leather faced mother of three soon-to-be-in-intensive-group-therapy kids who recently lost their husband/father to an accident at the Daytona Speedway when husband/father was run over by a paraplegic race car driver (that, my friends, is not a joke and I'm not even going to entertain the possibility of joking about it because though I don't believe in Jesus or God or Heaven or Hell, I do believe that I've been wrong about other things in the past and I'd rather play the pass line on this one) and who have found great solace in Jesus. Well, that's fine. Let the Man give you the strength you need and all that. However, during the course of the Race the family has relied on Jesus to get them from point A to point B, which inevitably leads to problems since Mom Weaver isn't exactly the biggest slut in the sorority -- she thinks Lake Pontchartrain is a Great Lake, Philadelphia is a state, and her children's emotions should be used like blunt tools --and therefore perhaps Jesus is given poor information and they invariably get lost. Sure, part of this is probably an issue with editing, but if Jesus really loved them so much, if they really trust in Him, don't you think somewhere along the line a beam of light would shine down from heaven and show them where a fucking map is? And perhaps Jesus could also inform her that adding "el" or "-o" to the end of a word does not make it fucking Spanish...and perhaps teach your kids that shouting "burrito!" to the Panamanian cabdriver is not a particularly intelligent way to get him to A) move faster or B) opt not to murder you and stuff you in the trunk. American are ugly, the Race proves that time and again, and the Weavers are this season's most easily hateable people. Hell, they even made fun of a family tonight because their father works as garbage man! I believe they actually then referred to members of the family as "retards" which is very insensitive and not very Christian but, then, a paraplegic did run over their father...

All of this is a long way of saying that I hate the Weaver family, hate the family edition of the Race and haven't missed a single second of any episode. And in my quest to find out if the Weavers are really awful humans, I came across this story:

The Amazing Race 8 family The Schroeders had the misfortune of being eliminated from the race in their hometown, New Orleans. Then, Katrina came and destroyed their home and everything in it.

Before the hurricane hit, they tried to evacuate to The Rogers’ house in Shreveport, and Char tells TV Guide that the Rogers “wanted to send a car down, while the hurricane was brewing, and have someone physically pick us up and take us to Shreveport.” Instead, they tried to drive, and ended up getting in an accident that destroyed both cars. After the hurricane, Char says that “[f]or the first two weeks we lived with the Rogers, then we moved to the Baton Rouge area.”

All of the families on the race helped out with offers of shelter, money, and clothes. All families except one, that is: The Weavers didn’t offer any assistance.

Comments

[Jim Winter]

My favorite comment on Jesus and sports came from a comedian who, just once, wanted to see a quarterback blame Jesus for losing a blowout in the Superbowl.

"Yeah. We were winning. Until Jesus made me fumble the ball. He hates our team."

[Angela]

Why am I not surprised about the Weaver Family? Religion is fine and all, but it seems that those who deem themselves "Christian" are in fact, 90% of the time, the Antithesis of just that. It's hypocrisy at it's finest.

[mamaloo]

Hate. And their making my stomach burn like the fiery pits of hell, where they must hail from, every time they appear on my screen.

[Pete]

You must admit, however, that watching the Weavers tearfully trying to navigate their way through the emotional minefield of Talladega Speedway was quite a treat.

[Frank]

With regards to the last 3rd place tearful finish, my recommendation to them is "Just Quit,,,, PLEASE!"

[Tyrel]

I hate the Weaver family. They are terrible people considering their claim to be such good christians and leading a Christian life. If they are leading a true christian life I wonder what the bible has to say about smack taliking everyone else, and wishing the worst on everyone.

[Vanessa]

The Weavers are horrible people, considering how Christian they claim to be. If the Weaver's behaviour represents what Christianity is all about, I want nothing to do with that religion. And the Weavers wonder why nobody likes them.

[Charles]

The Weavers do not represnt Christianity no matter what they say. As a Christain myself I find the Weavers claiming to be Christians turns my stomach. I understand not wanting to make alliances. But come on how soon they forget that they start all of this rudeness back in one of the very first shows this season when they totally ingorded another family at the airport. They could have just as easialy told them they didn't want to share information.

[Kayla]

I strongly dislike that family. Everytime they say "Oh please god! Let us find (insert noun)" I scream "JESUS HATES YOU!!" at the TV. I am a christian, but that involves not judging people. (can I make an exception just this once??)

The only thing I want is that daughter to PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS!! OMG! get rid of those damn short-shorts!!

ps...i thought americans at least knew about their own country?? they've never heard anything about Utah? Except that it's got Mormons living there??

[Don]

Although I agree the Weavers are their own worst enemy I feel bad for Rolly who at 14 seems to be trying hard to play the game & have a good time. I worry about how all this negative talk about his family will effect him after the game has ended & he returns home to his friends.

[Donna]

This post cracked me up. Thanks.

[Atteiros]

here's my thought on the Weavers...they should stop claiming to be christians or being the only nice family in the race. I don't know why they're wondering why nobody likes them in race (duhh!!). After watching the last episode I won't be surprised if that family won't be allowed to enter Utah...or anywhere else.

[alysse]

haha i h8 em but i love em. im glad they ddnt gt eliminated, they were sooo entertaining

[Ed Brown]

This is some site. I've never heard so many people professing to know what Christianity is or is not that use the word hate. The Weaver family entered a grueling race with a middle aged woman, two out of shape girls and a boy. Did any of you try something like that. Rolly Weaver is a young hero who carried the ball for the family like a man. People do get nasty under such tremendous pressure. They were up against 4 young athletes who actually used a block against them twice. The Lintzes should be ashamed that the Weavers led them for most of the race. Ed Brown Verdun Quebece.

[torne]

i adore rolly weaver he is the hottest boy i have ever met

[tornay]

you people are so rude rolly weaver just
likes dat top it doesnt matter if he wears it alot

[Leigh-Anne Williams]

I have great respect for the Weavers! I would just like to make one little comment in what seems to be the "We HATE THE WEAVERS CAMPAIGN". Did everybody watch the show. Did you not see that the Weavers were plotted against at every turn. They were ALSO made fun of and called names. I remember in the penultimate episode when one the the Linz brothers made fun of the Rebecca Weaver, calling her Rolly Poly. The Weavers were yielded TWICE. They were ignored and isolated. Excuse them for not being hippocrates like the others who clearly were 'keeping their friends close and their enemies closer'. They refused to blend in with the others who so easily would have stabbed each other in the back. They stood alone. Nobody likes people who stand out, right Tod? Also, people have alot to say about their Christianity. Reality check, Christians are human beings. They're fallible, they make mistakes, they're not perfect. Only when we see Christ will we be like Him. Nice one Tod, using this forum to spew you're hate for the Jesus Christ/and subsequently somebosy you "don't" believe.What a waste of energy. One thing will remain Tod, and it's remained two thousand years ago, and will remain long after we're gone: just cause you don't believe in Him, doesn't change the fact that he exists. Don't wait till it's too late to find that out. To the WEAVERS: Well done, you played a great game under the TOUGHEST circumsatnces I've ever seen

[ash]

oi man
their christian? so be it
they do wotever they want its they're lives u fuking idiots
respect their opiniions
just coz u fukers aint christian
u bloody fukin pussy cunts

wud u like it if u were buddhist or muslim or cathilic or anglican and u got dissed for believing in your fuking religion well fukin hell cunts
NO U WOUDLNT WUD U
get a fuking lyfe pussy shit!

[leanne]

Rollys so hot!
i luv him to death
THE WEAVERS FAMILY ALL THE WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[trippi]

i luv the weaver family
rolly is hot as!!

[trippi]

rolly if u have a hotmail account
add mine madbabe07@hotmail.com

[kjm182]

ok look everyone needs to just shut up. if you hate them so much ,why the hell are you wasting youre precious time posting rude comments about them,at least they have a life..unlike you.i personally know them,and they are nice people.....,so get a life.