What is it about god-fearing contestants on The Amazing Race that makes them think Jesus is chilling on the sofa with a tall boy and some pretzels waiting to help them find state parks, 1st gear and, literally, needles in haystacks? Of all the problems Jesus could possibly help the world with -- now that's He's found us a new Supreme Court nominee, obviously -- why would He stop and show people the directions to a small town in Costa Rica? Jesus is a carpenter, not a cartographer, for God's sake.
The new family edition of The Amazing Race features the Weaver family -- a leather faced mother of three soon-to-be-in-intensive-group-therapy kids who recently lost their husband/father to an accident at the Daytona Speedway when husband/father was run over by a paraplegic race car driver (that, my friends, is not a joke and I'm not even going to entertain the possibility of joking about it because though I don't believe in Jesus or God or Heaven or Hell, I do believe that I've been wrong about other things in the past and I'd rather play the pass line on this one) and who have found great solace in Jesus. Well, that's fine. Let the Man give you the strength you need and all that. However, during the course of the Race the family has relied on Jesus to get them from point A to point B, which inevitably leads to problems since Mom Weaver isn't exactly the biggest slut in the sorority -- she thinks Lake Pontchartrain is a Great Lake, Philadelphia is a state, and her children's emotions should be used like blunt tools --and therefore perhaps Jesus is given poor information and they invariably get lost. Sure, part of this is probably an issue with editing, but if Jesus really loved them so much, if they really trust in Him, don't you think somewhere along the line a beam of light would shine down from heaven and show them where a fucking map is? And perhaps Jesus could also inform her that adding "el" or "-o" to the end of a word does not make it fucking Spanish...and perhaps teach your kids that shouting "burrito!" to the Panamanian cabdriver is not a particularly intelligent way to get him to A) move faster or B) opt not to murder you and stuff you in the trunk. American are ugly, the Race proves that time and again, and the Weavers are this season's most easily hateable people. Hell, they even made fun of a family tonight because their father works as garbage man! I believe they actually then referred to members of the family as "retards" which is very insensitive and not very Christian but, then, a paraplegic did run over their father...
All of this is a long way of saying that I hate the Weaver family, hate the family edition of the Race and haven't missed a single second of any episode. And in my quest to find out if the Weavers are really awful humans, I came across this story:
The Amazing Race 8 family The Schroeders had the misfortune of being eliminated from the race in their hometown, New Orleans. Then, Katrina came and destroyed their home and everything in it.
Before the hurricane hit, they tried to evacuate to The Rogers’ house in Shreveport, and Char tells TV Guide that the Rogers “wanted to send a car down, while the hurricane was brewing, and have someone physically pick us up and take us to Shreveport.” Instead, they tried to drive, and ended up getting in an accident that destroyed both cars. After the hurricane, Char says that “[f]or the first two weeks we lived with the Rogers, then we moved to the Baton Rouge area.”
All of the families on the race helped out with offers of shelter, money, and clothes. All families except one, that is: The Weavers didn’t offer any assistance.