Yeah, But My Obsession Doesn't Come With A Sales Report

One of the great mysteries of life, aside from the continued success of Carrot Top and the inexplicable way my wife always knows where I've left my keys and wallet, is how Amazon pairs books together for their Better Together program. You know, like:

Better Together         

Buy this book with 2005 Novel & Short Story Writer's Market (Novel and Short Story Writer's Market) by Anne Bowling (Editor), Michael Schweer (Editor) today!

Total List Price: $35.99 Buy Together Today: $24.74      Let's see...man may have killed his wife...man may have killed his daughter...a bunch of unrealistic literary journal editors telling you not to simultaneously submit while informing you it may take 6 months for them to reject your story. I can sorta see that connection. Anyway, apparently you can buy your way into this program, but as a friend of my brother's found out, that isn't exactly a worthy investment: Amazon actually sent me the numbers on my sell-through and they are very revealing, confirming my long-held belief that their sales rankings don't mean a thing.  Before the promotion, I was ranked in the solid mid-low six figures - around 300,000 plus or minus.  When the promotion started, the numbers improved dramatically, getting under 10,000 on a number of occasions and probably averaging under 25,000 for the month.  Total sales during July - 54 books.  Total royalties earned, net of agent's commission - @ $27.  Cost of promotion - $750.  Lesson learned - priceless. What I've learned over the years is that nothing works to sell your book unless it is on the front table. Reviews don't move copies, my publicist told me after a bad review, but then she also informed me that reviews do move copies, but only for those who would buy the book anyway. (She was young and often spoke in paradox, though I doubt she knew what that word meant.) Awards don't matter, another publicist told me, unless you win and then later it turns out you're wanted for a murder you didn't commit and are now running from the law, the press and the parents, and then you burn down the building the awards ceremony is held in, killing some prominent writers in the process, thus opening up shelf space and readership. Nothing works short of appearing on Oprah and J. Franz ruined that angle. Still, it is dispiriting to learn that not even $750 bucks worth of Amazon flava can move 100 books. It was so much easier when I could just pop down to my local Borders with some hookers and blow. Ah, the halcyon days of yore...

Comments

[Gendy Alimurung]

Okay, so how do you get your book on the front table? Do you have to bribe some 17-year-old at Barnes & Noble, or what?

[Stephanie]

Don't underestimate the pimple popping employee at B & N's. They have a lot of power.