Wendy saw it from the corner of her eye -- a gray figure dashing from the bougainvillea to the hedge.
"The rats are back," she said.
"Yes," I said. "Yes. Tonight we dance the dance of the primitives. Tonight we become hunters again. Tonight I take a life and, in return, I claim a piece of life back. Tonight, my friend, is our Independence day!"
"I don't know who you're talking to," Wendy said, "but why don't you find out if those sensor things that emit low frequency sound waves actually work so that we don't have to go through this whenever fruit starts appearing on trees."
"Tonight," I said, "it is blood for blood! Tonight it is man against beast and man shall prevail! Tonight I unsheathe the fury of the ages and I clamp down on the progress of the vermin! Tonight I rise! I rise! I rise!" I paused. "Do you think I can use margarine instead of peanut butter on the trap? Because I sorta want to have peanut butter left in case I want a sandwich tonight. I'm just feeling like I didn't get enough dinner."
Wendy said, "You're an idiot."
Update: Goldberg 1, Rats 0. One new jar of Peanut Butter purchased at Trader Joes...and tonight, I hunt again...
Wendy is awesome!!!
Posted by: Stephanie | August 23, 2005 at 10:17 PM
Dude, just get some Dcon and knock off the Klingon shit. Trust me, you're wife will be happy.
Posted by: Jim Winter | August 24, 2005 at 05:54 AM
Tod,
You're my buddy and all, but Wendy is a saint for putting up with you. Buy her whatever her heart desires. :)
Posted by: Tanya | August 24, 2005 at 08:11 AM
Isn't it time for your medication Tod?
Posted by: Karen Scott | August 24, 2005 at 09:26 AM
Tod.
Rancid meat. Miner's caps. Shotguns.
Trust me. Hi to Wendy...
Rob
Posted by: rob roberge | August 24, 2005 at 09:31 AM
Sometimes a man has to risk his peanut butter sandwich and just be a man.
Posted by: David Thayer | August 24, 2005 at 09:37 AM
Wendy makes me laugh. But seriously, if you do have some nasty meat on hand--that's the way to go. And peanut butter is a valuable commodity. I'm for saving peanut butter. A full-fat snack is the way-to-go.
Posted by: Angela | August 24, 2005 at 10:29 AM
Your wife is a patient woman.
Posted by: Harry Connolly | August 24, 2005 at 11:20 AM
T,
I'm so glad you discovered where to get more P.B. :)
Good luck hunting.
T
Posted by: Tanya | August 25, 2005 at 11:46 AM
So let me get this straight, you don't like vermin? This might be a problem.
Posted by: Jim | August 26, 2005 at 12:52 PM