Safe In Heaven Dead
I was stunned to learn that James Doohan -- the inept and saucy fat guy in the red shirt who hung out in the engine room of the starship Enterprise while Shatner bagged all the fly-ass alien hotties and Nimoy went off and did "In Search Of" -- passed away today, primarily because I thought he'd been dead for years. In honor of his passing, I present to you a fanfiction story where he becomes a real life Scotty. As in a dog. Really. And one where he an Uhurha end up getting hitched, but not before Scotty is forced to say some things "haltingly," "unenthusiastically," and with his voice "cracking with dryness."
I was just listening to Howard Stern and his producer related a story about Doohan told by the guy who co-authored his book. Seems Scotty sold photos, autographs, and squares of his Star Trek dress uniform tartan for $150 a pop. The man said Doohan kept about 100 yards of tartan material at home to keep the Trekkies supplied. None of it was ever part of the uniform.
By the away, Tod, thanks for reminding of that wonderful word, fucktard. I find it the perfect epithet when I need to express my road rage. And with the way people drive in Tacoma, Washington, the opportunities are limitless.
Posted by: Cap'n Bob | July 21, 2005 at 08:07 AM
Why are you looking in the Pit of Voles for reading matter? Everyone in fandom knows that place is like the worst slush pile in the in-tray of the worst publisher on the planet.
Posted by: P M Rommel | July 21, 2005 at 01:22 PM
As opposed to all of those places where you can find the really good fanfic...
Like WeRFucktards.com.
Posted by: David J. Montgomery | July 21, 2005 at 05:36 PM
Ah, well, you know PM, I'm not exactly tuned into the fandom world in a way where I know where to find the good stuff. And besides, the good stuff wouldn't be as funny as Scotty turning into a Scotty.
Posted by: tod goldberg | July 22, 2005 at 02:50 AM
Do you realise that the phrase "Beam me up Scotty" was never actually used in any of the Star Treks that he appeared in?
Posted by: Karen Scott | July 22, 2005 at 05:17 AM
I believe the first time that Kirk actually uttered those words (and perhaps the only time) was in the 4th movie. It was, of course, tongue-in-cheek.
Posted by: David J. Montgomery | July 22, 2005 at 07:08 AM
Tod, Tod, Tod, . . . why be hatin'?
Posted by: Danny Barer | July 23, 2005 at 04:16 PM
If Mr Doohan could read this, he would give you the finger. Oh wait--he has not finger.
Posted by: Mike Barer | July 25, 2005 at 10:54 PM
If Mr Doohan could read this, he would give you the finger. Oh wait--he has no finger.
Posted by: Mike Barer | July 25, 2005 at 10:55 PM
I'm sorry, It took forever to post so I hit post again. Hopefully it was funny the second time.
Posted by: Mike Barer | July 27, 2005 at 01:34 PM
Shoot, at first I thought *you'd* written fanfiction where Scotty becomes a dog. That would have kicked ass.
Posted by: Benjamin Rosenbaum | July 28, 2005 at 01:39 PM