A Conversation I Had With A "Pre-Published" Author

Part of my job as cultural bon vivant/mid-list author/magnet for fucktards is that I'm often engaged in conversations with people seeking Yoda-like wisdom from me. Here's one from an event this past week:

Woman Clutching Bound Manuscript: That was an interesting speech.

Me: Thanks.

WCBM: I'm an author, too.

Me: Really? What do you write?

WCBM: Mostly fictional-novels.

Me (opting not to question the woman about the difference between a fictional novel and, well, all the other novels out there...professional courtesy an all that): Great -- what's your name?

WCBM: I'm not in stores yet.

Me (thinking: now that's a name): Oh?

WCBM: I'm pre-published.

Me: What does that mean?

WCBM: I'm not in print yet. This is my book (shoving the book into my hands...the title Secret Obsessions glaring out at me in bold 26 pt. font) . I've written seven so far.

Me: So you've written seven novels and haven't published any yet?

WCBM: New York doesn't get me.

Me: That's a problem. (I flip through the pages and note a particularly interesting line of dialogue, reproduced here from memory: "But if the world ends tomorrow, we won't care about today," she extrapolated vigorously.) So what's this pre-published thing mean?

WCBM: It just means I haven't been published yet.

Me: Like being unpublished?

WCBM: No. I will be published. It just hasn't happened yet. Will you read my book and see if your agent might be interested? I can't seem to get through to the agents. They don't get me.

Me: That's a problem.

I've heard this term "pre-published" a number of times and it just sounds innane to me. If you were trying to become a lawyer, you wouldn't call yourself "pre-legal" or if you were trying to become a taxidermist, you wouldn't call yourself "pre-stuffed" or if you wanted to play Arena Football for the Arizona Rattlers, you wouldn't call yourself "pre-professional 50 yard indoor war player." So why do aspiring writers call themselves "pre-published" as if it isn't something that is earned, but something pre-ordained?

Comments

[Burl Barer]

At 10 books in print, am I "post-published"?

[Jim Winter]

Pre-published means you're arguing with your editor who thinks the shower scene in Chapter 5 is too racy, then in the next breath wonders why there isn't more sex in the book. Yeah, Spanky, when you have a contract and, at the bare minimum, an alleged publication date, the you're prepublished. Until then, you're UNpublished, or NONpublished, or sans publication. Whatever. One might argue that prepublished might also indicate that your tome is the victim of Ingram Books' sphinctocranial method of moving small press books into inventory, but that's another rant that might be career ending if fully written.

We now return you to the frumpy Jewish guy who's a lot funnier than me, the frumpy Scotch German guy, all ready in progress.

[Clair Lamb]

Thank you very much for not referring this woman to me, Tod.

[TEV]

My Lord, I wanna be a freak magnet, too! What's your secret?

[Mark A. York]

That's a new one on me. Apparently intent is enough.

[Angela Stubbs]

Wow! This must mean there is a whole world of pre-published authors out there if all it takes is having written something and wanting desperately to have someone publish it--whether it's good or bad--

But, yeah, Tod, you do get all the freaks. You must have some invisible bullseye on your forehead that shows up in neon whenever you go in public and only the crazies can see it--Poor Tod!

[Bill Peschel]

This discussion went on some time ago on dorothyl, with similiar results.

While I'm all in favor of doing anything to keep up the confidence in yourself, calling yourself pre-published is something you should do in the privacy of your office / closet / boiler room / workplace, alongside the prototype cover of your "prepublished" novel and the photo(shop) of you with Ian Rankin at the Edgar Awards dinner.

Not that I would know anything about that.

[Lee Goldberg]

It was a discussion that almost got me thrown off DorothyL as I recall... I got a stern warning from the list owner about criticizing the term "pre-published."

So I changed the subject and posted about something else.

How dumb it is to write fan-fiction...

[Richard Taylor]

Lee,

Could you please define "fan-fiction" for me? I know I'm exposing my ignorance by asking, but I'd really like to know, ya know?

I'm sure that once I know what it is, it'll become obvious why it's dumb to write it.

[anonymous]

Undergraduates do refer to themselves and their course of study as "pre-med" or "pre-law." "Pre-pub" is not without precedent. Ambitious newborns are also called "premies" or "pre-me."

[Wendy]

I don't know, Anon. Going to school has an outcome the student can control: when you work hard and study hard, graduation is a foregone conclusion. Being published, no matter what you do, is not a given. I could buy a lottery ticket and call myself a pre-jackpot winner. That doesn't mean I'm going to win.